1.14.2003
January 14, 2003 || 11:56 pmYes. I am strange. A weirdo. A freak. All the words that signify non-conformity. The other. But that sweetens it too much. That word, non-conformist. I am and I know and accept it. As I know and accept my ten bony fingers.
My family has learned to live with it. My younger brother and sister were asked to describe each member of the family during their last retreat. Guess what they both wrote? Just one word. Ernan - weird.
My friends have learned to tolerate it. They just smiled and drunk when I laid down in the cement road in front of 77 Hemady to get a better view of the stars. Otherwise, they're strange themselves. Just think of Weng and Paul S.
So it is. I often wonder how are "regular" people's lives? How are their conversations like? What are their passions? Once I got stuck the whole day with a few of them because of work. All they talked about was gossip and love lives. The whole day. Is it all they ever talk about? Is it all that matter to them? And when I talk about an all-consuming passion for something or beauty for its sake, they put on that obliging smile.
This oddity striked me yesterday during a conversation with Larry and Trinka. I haven't seen Larry for over a month. I haven't seen Trinka for a half year. Yet when we talked, it was as if the usual greeting and kumustahan are a preamble. We talked about time and its suspension. Of greatness and being. Handing out statements like "Time is the only measure of success. Your only obligation is to be yourself." It wasn't an artsy fartsy talk. Nor was it pretentiousness on our parts to talk something so cerebral or abstract. And I don't believe it was cultured talk. Anyone can give and form ideas.
Merely, it was what bothered us. It was what concerned us. I do mull over J.Lo and Ben or my officemate's break up. But not as much as I perplex over what I want to do. Or figuring out that I. Perhaps, we are just more conscious of ourselves and do not need the inane comparison with others to be conscious of it. Or maybe we burden ourselves too much.
I agree everyone is strange. We all have our idiosyncrasies, our distinguishing spots. Mine is just more pronounced than the others.
I know the way this sounds like is maybe I'm bragging and brandishing this strangeness. But I'm not. I'm just stating it as you would say the rose is red.
Ernan at 11:47 PM